Thanks for joining me! My very first BLOG!
In my case I have to think three times.
Once for myself and once for Mikayla , my eldest and Mackenzie my youngest.
I have been a single mom for the last 14 years but not of my own choosing.My husband and I married in 1991 and had our first child in 1997 and the next in 1998. We chose to have and raise our children together but little did we know that we would only raise them together for the next 7 years. After that I became the sole provider both emotionally and physically for the continuing years. To say it has been easy is an understatement. It comes with so much heartache and profound wonderment of having children.
From the Beginning September 15, 2004- Year 7
Family! Family matters and without them gathering around me and my girls I could not have endured the early years certainly. My story starts with a knock at my door informing me that my husband , who was away doing a training course for a new position , had died of a massive heart attack at the age of 38, in Regina.He was , and remains, my soul mate and best friend. My husband came home on his original return date but certainly not in the way that I thought he would. We buried him in Corner Brook where he grew up and reserved a plot for myself next to him. I returned to Foxtrap and my parents came with me.
My Mother!
A truly beautiful, loving , caring and sweet mother and friend.My parents both stood by me and helped me endure the heartache that both my girls and myself endured. My mother became ill and was admitted into hospital with subsequent surgery on November 5 Th, 2004 ( my husbands Birthday) for colon cancer. She died January 31st, 2005, as she lived without complaint and her family around her.We buried my mother in my hometown of Port Au Choix and I returned to spend the next years alone with my girls. I remember driving across the island after the funeral and so worried about being by myself and raising my girls.
The Early Years!
My girls endured so much heartache and went through so many different things that I had never contemplated. Security became a major issue and they were even afraid to go to the bathroom by themselves . For the first year I slept for three hours a night with both girls in my bed. After 8 months I moved to Pasadena where I was closer to family and had an aunt with whom I was very close to. I stayed in Pasadena for 15 moths and then returned to Seal Cove where I still remain. The first year is like a dream where you keep wanting to wake up but in the second year you wake up but it’s so much worse. I was trying to grieve both my husband and my mother and take care of my children alone. My eldest daughter seemed to fare much better than my youngest. My Mackenzie,had been in grade one when all of this happened and was extremely close to her father.She lost so much in grade one and struggled with reading. We worked on this until she finally caught up in grade four. By age 8 she was diagnosed with depression and still suffers tremendously from it. Both girls continued to go to school, develop friendships and deal with their loss. We have all learned to live without a father ( husband) and Grandmother( Mother) through the years but the pain has never lessened. It’s like a door. Sometimes you can open the door and talk about it and it’s all fine. Sometimes you choose to close the door and not talk about it and it’s all fine but the hardest times are when the door opens by itself and you are unprepared to endure the pain that comes with it. We have learned to endure but we never forget what we once had and wish we still could have. Life continues on and I have been so very lucky to have had many years with both my mother and my husband. We count our blessings where we can.
Michelle’s Blog 